Preparing for the Holidays by "Learning to Over Support Yourself"

1. Practice boundaries with self and others & be realistic!

Slowing down. With the increase in spirited invitations and social gatherings,  some weeks we may be attempted to keep up. It may at times feel nourishing and enriching, though, as December goes on, we can sometimes feeling out of balance and needing to scale back. During busier seasons of life it can feel challenging to discern the impulse to accept invitations, the desire to connect and be social. When we experience higher levels of stress we may find myself avoiding being alone. Let’s consider what our sacred Yes's and No's are by paying attention to our body's cues of when it's time to have an early night to ourselves. 

2. Embrace the holidays as a season of healing. 

As the first flurries arrived last week and my body adapts to the colder temperatures, I am adjusting to the shifting of seasons. During the winter months I aspire to work on “quieter” projects and activities that include more writing, knitting, and online learning. Whether climate crisis or personal and/or global suffering has us down, we can take the opportunity to “hibernate” and go inwards to mourn the losses and attend to the grief that the holidays stir in us. My colleague and trauma expert Dr. Gretchen Schmelzer recently wrote about self-care and how important it is to "take in the present—and by holding both I can feel more whole. The losses mend." We may be moving through both grief and loss this year, and we can try to reduce stress by engaging in therapy and journaling to understand how different triggers affect us. By finding out why we become anxious or sad around the holidays, it helps us better able to navigate the rest of the season.  We can take time to check in with ourselves and our feelings and have realistic expectations for how the holiday season will be.  

3. Orient towards what truly matters. 

I'd love a clean and organized home, but with the increased priorities in spending time with loved ones this season I am actively looking for what I can let go and/or “back burner.” The dishes? Laundry? Paper piles? 

4. We're never alone!

With the push for excess and materialism Dr. Schmelzer also highlights the cultural rule that you shouldn't actually need anything—especially support and extra care, and if you do, you should only take the bare minimum. It's like some weird anorexia of self-caretaking that is secretly lauded. Plan to check in with loved ones, your spiritual or faith community and I encourage you to seek out people and spaces where you can feel understood and less alone. As much as possible, we can let our loved ones know how they can support us, whether it's helping with shopping or meeting up for walk. Often people want to help but don't know what to say or where to start.

5. Embrace the season honestly  

Allow for the pressures to feel cheery and festive to wash over. We don't always feel the same level of enthusiasm as others who may have a different experience. I practice expressing my truth honestly even when feeling the pressure to be social, happy, and present in situations where my own spiritual traditions aren't the dominant ones. I often remind myself I am not alone in feeling this way! I avoid numbing by use of alcohol or other substances which worsen depression and anxiety. I create new rituals and surround myself with nourishing people who want to create our own traditions together. Whether you choose not to celebrate at all, we can opt for an activity we FEEL like doing--whether enjoying a Netflix marathon or making a favorite recipe. 

6. Maintain a budget and remember gift giving need not involve money!

It is is common to get caught up in the commercialization and marketing of the holidays. Like many of us, I feel stressed about spending or trying to find just the right gift. We have the ability to put it in perspective in reminding ourselves that giving to others is not about spending money. Setting realistic expectations with myself in maintaining a budget keeps me honest and in integrity. For inspiration, check out author and coach, Colin Beavan’s post on the art of making your loves ones happy over the holidays. Practicing generosity for others (and ourselves) helps, because when we focus on others and less on ourselves, we tend to reduce our anxiety.

7. Enjoy the light! 

Less exposure to natural light can lead to new or increased symptoms of depression; given my season difficulties, I try to get as much sunlight as possible. To boost my mood and regulate sleep, I seek to schedule outdoor exercise in the middle of the day when the sun is brightest. If you can, work near a window throughout the day. Even ensuring your home has warm, bright lighting can help improve mood. 

"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a more severe form of the winter blues. According to researchers, the percentage of people in the United States who struggle with SAD ranges from 1.5 percent in southern Florida to 9 percent in northern states.If you feel hopeless, have suicidal thoughts, or changes in appetite and sleep patterns, talk to your doctor. Effective treatments for SAD include light therapy, talk therapy, and medication." 

8. Stay connected!

While many of us have folks to connect with during the holiday season, there are those of us who can still feel lonely in a crowded room and may be at risk of becoming isolated. If you are someone predisposed to depression and anxiety, you may find it hard to reach out to others, so it helps to be reminded of the people, places, and things that make you feel happy. Try to schedule a regular call or video chat so you don't have to think twice about making the effort.

Sending out holiday cards and organizing gift swaps are other creative ways to stay connected. Calming activities, such as reading, meditating, and  journaling, are useful when not inclined towards social situations.

9. H.A.L.T (Hungry. Angry. Tired. Lonely?)

The importance of a balanced diet, moderate exercise, and plenty of sleep are well-known but because there are many distractions and stressors this time of year, we forget of some of the basic necessities. Give yourself permission to increase whatever self-care activities support your well-being!

If you enjoyed this list, I’d encourage you to read Dr. Schmelzer's brief post on self care this season that inspired much of this reflection!